Life and other things

Insecurities

How many times do we need hear, ” I love you”?

I recently read an article on this subject. People in their middle age and late middle age saying, that their parents never told them that they loved them.

I don’t remember my parents ever saying it or even remotely hinting at it. It is just not saying it is it? It will become something like “have a nice day”. Are we becoming a nation of softies? Does it matter if we are not re assured everyday?

When I arrived in the UK in 1970, there was never a talk of such matters. British upper lip was legendry. My western educated father never believed in it, and always mocked. The talk of emotions and loving would have given him a skin rash!

Or is this something we have imported from the States or from Europe?

But I know, that as am growing older, my recall of my formative years is getting stronger. One or two of my friends, have confessed that they have suffered un-certainty and inferiority complex, because their parents were indifferent to them.

I was rejected by my mother; for being the wrong gender, and for being ugly. I think I have lacked confidence all my life. I echo the words of a great friend of mine, when she said that she had all the insecurities that her upbringing gave her. She went onto say that in her worse moments she has;” screamed inwardly (so have I), how can you expect me to know that you love me. My own mother didn’t. And if she didn’t, then how can I assume anyone else will”?

A book out this month, by a woman judge talks of this. Constance Briscoe, one of the few woman judges in this country , in her first memoir “Ugly”, talks of her mother’s rejection. and though she has worked so hard to get where she is , but it obviously affects her even today. That she has written a second book called “Beyond ugly”.

So it is not jut sentimental claptrap though,is it? Like the British, I never knew such things mattered. But like my friend, I too have broken the cycle, and have made my children confident and re-assured. They are very successful and confident. They will never understand how people like my friend and I suffer inwardly.

I think it is important to tell your children, and your nearest and dearest that you love them. Am now sure that it matters.

What do you think?

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