Life and other things

Relationship Arithmetics

 The Telegraph pulished the results of a research carried out at Oxford University.A professor and his team have perfected a model whereby they can calculate if a relationship will succeed.

In a study of 700 couples, the professor predicted the divorce rate with 94 per cent accuracy.

It seems that married couples can e divided into five groups. Two of which were stable,two which were not,with another category in bbetween.
It seems the depending on the group,some couples might as well get divorce right away.

The first identifiable category is the “validating” couples who are calm, intimate, who like to back each other and share a companionable relationship.

The second group are said to e “avoider”, who do their best to avoid confrontation and conflict,they only respond positively to their partners.

The “volatile”couple,who are passionate but have heated arguments are a mixture of stable and un stable, and are less happy than the other two.

The hostile category is when one partner does not want to talk aout an issue( I know it too well),the other agrees, so there is no communication.

The final “hostile detached”is when one partner is fiery and wants to argue and the other is just not interested.

They conducted this experiment by making couples talk face to face about a contentious issue for fifteen minutes. The topics being sex, money, or relationship with their in laws.

There are pointers which have a strong positive or negative effect on the relationship.

Affection  +4

Humour  +4

Joy +4

Agreeing +4

Interest +2

Contempt -4

Disgust -3

Belligerence -2

Defensiveness -2

Stonewalling -2

Anger -1

Domineering -1

Sadness-1

Whining -1

Am sure most of us have at least one or two of those minus points.Some of us have quite a few,but don`t have the courage to start again. A friend recently said that I like suffering! May be not,but I admit to being timid.

I find the stonewalling,and defensiveness the most off putting. What do you find the hardest to cope with?
Is it possible to balance some minus points with the pluses? Or do you think the Professor is right and couples with those traits are headed for a divorce?
And is it possible to predict the outcome of a relationship with numbers?
I wonder.

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