Angst

  These days if anything upsets me, I think of the holiday am going to go on soon. You might say what is there to upset me?
Nothing in general and everything in particular is the answer! The skies have been grey again, the thought that the so called summer is slipping by and soon it will be autumn. That there are lots of people around who have lost their jobs and may be they are having difficulty meeting day to day expenses. I know I can not do anything about it,nor can I imagine what it must be like,but i feel all the same.

Little everyday niggles,like husband getting irritable, or spending the whole evening without a word being exchanged, when your children have difficulties at work and you worry,you know you can not do anything about it but it saddens you.
I wish I was more practical and less sentimental. I tend to take on other peoples woes, and worry for them. I wish I was more like my other half who is very emotionally self sufficient. He has no friends and sees no need to make any, he will be polite but brief with people,as a result there are not many people who would continue or can have a long conversation with him. Where as I get neighbours calling in,just for a “chat” and they pour their hearts out,friends too ring/write or come round, and I spend a lot of time listening and just offering tea and sympathy. And then when something goes wrong in the life of my friends, then I suffer too.

Sometimes I feel am a real phony and superficial person,who gets satisfaction by listening to other peoples troubles. Who is always worrying about her children, and the rest of the family,whereas they all are perfectly capable of looking after themselves. I worry if someone in the family changes their eating habits, if they work too hard and so on.
I sometimes feel that this must be my own insecurity,and I must come across as patronising,when I inquire after people,but I genuinely want to care and know of others welfare. I suppose being a nurse was an ideal profession. People needed and wanted me to care for them,to have concern and empathy. Perhaps that has shaped my nature, but I know that outside the hospital this trait is not needed. I wish I could be a practical, self possessed and at times indifferent to others and my family. Then I will not feel hurt as I sometimes do.

So that is another thing am looking forward to in my holiday. I shall have no one to worry about, no one to enquire the welfare of and no news of anyone`s problems!
I shall just eat,drink and sight see and enjoy the company of my hostess,who has emailed to ask of my preference in wine and spirits! So she could buy it wholesale!!
I do not drink very much at all,but may be I shall really drown my sorrows,and my short comings and as Christina makes wine,I might just drown!

So how many of you share my predicament,or all of you are just shaking your heads in dismay?

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