I was given a box of papers to sort out today!
My husband has been clearing out the loft and brought down this box, saying they were my papers and I should sort them out.
So I have spent the afternoon going through my past, or my life as it was lived in the last twenty years or so. Dairies, with children’s activities, my working shifts and other trivia. A family planing clinic appointment,children’s riding lessons, swimming and visits to various birthday parties.
The various projects I did for my cardiology diploma, the letters from the bullying manager and consequently the letter from the director of nursing to reconsider my resignation, and asking me to come and see her.
And then the letter accepting my resignation “with great regret”.
Looking at those details it seemed the life of someone else. As if was an outsider looking into someone else`s life. Now the children are adults with lives and careers of their own. I have left the profession I made many sacrifices to follow. In Sixties India respectable and middle class families did not allow their daughters to do nursing. It meant leaving my comfortable home and the security at sixteen. It meant that my parents and the rest of the family did not want to know me for ten years. I have brought shame on the familys good name.
And I gave it up at the time when my children were just getting independent and I could have devoted all my energies in getting to the top of my career.
My life seems so different now from what it was in those dairies. I can not remember how I felt then and how I coped.
I have taken a very different path in life now, and can not recognise the person |I was in the 1980s and the Nineties.
How do you decide if you have done the right thing? Throughout your life.and if what you are doing now is the right thing?
Have you ever looked at something from the past and wondered and found yourself to be far removed from the person you were?
Am by nature quite in secure and full of doubts about myself. I wonder if any of you have ever looked at something from your past and felt as bewildered?