Breaking Free!

I have been feeling a bit down lately.

Nothing has happened but I presume it is the onset of my old age!

I feel lonely, neglected and taken for granted, though nothing new has happened ,but the way I feel about my life seems to be slowly changing. May be because since I have joined this forum, for the first time I have had the chance to observe the way others lead their lives. I have come across some very decisive, strong and independent women, men who have a sense of humour,and are well read and interesting. I must have led a very sheltered life you will say,to have found this forum to be life changing. But it is true.

It is true though, now a days, more often, am beginning to put myself first,and for once am starting to feel that I should  do things which please me too, rather than purely trying to please everyone else.

Trying to fit in with the world is not easy. I have decided to help in a homeless shelter on Christmas day,rather than spend it somewhere I do not wish to be. People are horrified at the idea,but so far am sticking with it. Though I might be persuaded otherwise,but it will have to be on my terms!

I have never done anything like this before in my entire life. I have always felt that it was my responsibility to make everyone around me happy,never stopped to think what will make ME happy.

I have come across men and women here,who have lost their children, have had broken relationships,have had other misfortunes in life,battled with serious illnesses,but have managed to come out the other way. I have never before been privileged to have such insight into peoples lives and learn from it.This has been a life enhancing learning experience. And am in awe of  the strength of human nature.

So as I was saying, keeping up with my new self awareness, I have been invited to go on a Caribbean cruise in the second week of January. An old friend and her husband are going on this 14 day jaunt. Where we fly to Barbados,and board the ship there,which stops at a different Caribbean island almost every day. You go on land every day almost and see these most beautiful places like St;Kits, and beautiful places.

I have never been on a cruise,have never been anywhere on my own, except when I went to visit Tina last year. And I have never spent this much money solely on myself. I have always been on my own,every year in January when my husband flies away to visit his family. Something I have accepted and lived with.

My other half is off to India in the end of December, as is his norm. He does not wish to visit islands! Am in two minds,should I go or is this a step too far??????

I can not decide,I will appreciate your opinions.

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