Plum Tart and Mark Ulysses have left a very kind inquiring message about the health of my husband, thank you,it is very caring of you to do so,and I cant tell you how comforting it is that there are people who may be thinking of you.

I have no family here, just very good neighbours and a few good friends. Our children as you know are elsewhere, and can and do visit when they can,so most of the time am on my own.

The long and short of it is that since coming back from India he has been in and out of hospital several times.The recent scans have shown progression of the disease,and as a result other things were going wrong hence the frequent admissions. At the moment he is in the hospice for assessment, and then they may discharge him home and this time they might give a care package so I might have some help at home.

For me days and nights seem to merge into one, I can not think of future, I have not permitted myself to dwell on anything practical or otherwise.I seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions, being told he is very serious one day and then his condition stabilises.

When you have shared your life with someone since you were seventeen, makes it very hard to think of yourself as another entity. Am not sure how one does that,am an experienced nurse,I have counselled a lot of families and spouses,now that it is my turn I feel completely lost and un prepared.

It is a hard journey and I know that I have to do it alone,but am determined to keep him as comfortable as is humanly possible, apart from that there is not a lot I can do.

I hope none of you will find my post boring or morbid,I have always shared life’s ups and downs with you, this I know is a phase too, what is unnerving is that I have no idea how long it will last and what the outcome will be.

Then life IS unpredictable.


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