Life is worth living…

I read this book when I was about 17 years old, to my immature and naive mind it felt like a cliche ridden tome, how can anyone,I thought at the time lose interest in life and why should one re introduce the meaning of life ?

By then life had not happened to me!

In the recent past,or to be precise the last two years, I have experienced the reasons as to why you lose interest in living. Since the diagnosis of my husband’s terminal cancer in 2011,I lived with an unknown fear. Sleepless nights before every out patient appointment with the oncologist, panic ,everytime the news talked about a new flu virus,and just trying not to think of what the future will be.

But the passage of time and the future can not be stopped.

The last six months were spent simply in and out of hospital and hospice wards. Worrying about our children,as to how they will cope with the loss of their father, and more so how will I? The financial side of our life was managed by him, I took the soft option of enjoying life, raising children and keeping home and tending to my plants. i was living a charmed life.

And then the inevitable happened.

For weeks I could not look ahead, life for me had stopped in its tracks.The miserable weather of the last two months when the skies looked like granite didnt help either.

And then the garden woke up, the birds arrive to serenade in my garden, I realised how many kind and decent people there are in this world. People visited me,wrote to me , on this blog site there were some hundred comments, you all encouraging me , supporting me and then my neighbours and others. How wonderful.

Last week I have been visiting my daughter, who is now in Altrincham near Manchester, their trip to Utrecht over, her husband’s fellowship completed and he is being interviewed for his first job as a NHS consultant ,and our daughter will be applying too for a consultants post. While I was there the sun shone,we sat out and drank coffee, shared wine and talked endlessly. Expressing our sorrow, grief and how we have coped with it all.

And then remembering as someone said here to me, “remember what you have and not what you have lost”. Indeed worth remembering that.

So in a nutshell what has been a balm to my soul is my garden emerging from the dreadful winter we have had, almost unscathed. The birds returning to inhabit it and nest again,and knowing how kind and considerate and interesting people are.

Am beginning to feel that life is worth living.

 

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