In a recent article in the Spectator” Julie Birchill , rued that we have been conditioned / led to to believe that we marry , or should marry the ONE, that special person who should be our soul mate,the best and only person on earth who understands us, and has the ability to make us happy and fulfilled.
According to the author, who quotes Chesterton , that once we don’t believe in God, we will believe in anything. so it seems it is the Mills and Boon effect that has put the notion in our head that we should have a perfect partner.
Marriage, she argues is a social/business contract. Women are looking for financial security and to procreate, and men want a house keeper and a sexual partner!
According to her that is all that should happen then there will not be so many divorces and split households.
“keep your head down,be tolerant and forgiving and do not expect much”,and she says your marriage will last.
The past royal marriages it seems were based on this principle.
I do know that Asian marriages, that of my parents generation, and even now are based on this principle, women are not expected to be bread winners,they are meant to be mothers and the mistress of the house. Men wander, and a blind eye is turned towards their misdemeanours. Women are told that they are the queens of their little household ,and are satisfied with that.
It seems there is no Knight on a white charger, no need for a soul mate,and there is no such thing as the “perfect being’; the One” who holds the key to total happiness, we expect too much,because we have been brain washed by the romantic novels/films and what the manufacturing industries tell us.
So, I know you all are very wise here,and some of you are mature and worldly wise ,so do you think it is true?
When I think about it, I don’t think our marriage was perfect, we both had very different likes,dislikes and backgrounds. But we lasted a long time, raised two very balanced and decent children and stayed together ,till death parted us.
But taking this criteria,I don’t think he was the One”! Though I was perfectly satisfied with my life,but did I miss out on that soul mate thingy?
The One” doesn’t exist.
But am not going to look for the elusive one.
How about you?