Am just back from South Africa,a place I have always wanted to visit. My detailed blog can be found here;
I feel so lucky that am able to fulfil a life long ambition, to have the ability and the means to do such a things,fills me with gratitude for my life.
They say with age comes wisdom, does it? Am not sure if I am wiser but I am more realistic.I no longer feel that the people I love and like ,should do the same for me. No one has a right to expect anything ,and that includes me. If I do things for others, am beginning to accept that I do them because it gives me pleasure to do them, the ones on the receiving end are not obliged to reciprocate. It is a bonus if they do.
Coming from a culture where you are brought up to believe that you are obliged to look after, care for ,love and obey your parents, I have found it hard to accept the western way of not expecting anything from your children.I know that I was in awe of my parents,I was middle aged when they died,but I have never answered them back, disobeyed them or neglected them. When they were ill I flew over and did whatever I could, I cried in my quite moment ,when they were frail and felt I should never fail them.I dreaded getting old myself,and felt and expected the same with my children.
Now that I am getting old,I feel my expectations are lowered. I no longer expect my children to rush around me. I feel content ,that I, have done my best as a parent for them,and that makes me feel good,what they would,or not do towards me ,is their business. It is up to them.
In Hindu mythology they say that there are three ages of man. The first is for ambition and planing. The second is for achieving those ambitions and dreams. And the third age is for evaluating and stepping back
Am not that old yet, but I feel I am now beginning to take stock, and at last beginning to feel that I can look back on my life and smile.
As women ,we spend our lives caring for everyone, considering others, parents, husbands, kids ,in laws and so on. When do we take care of ourselves? Allow ourself time to just stand and stare, almost never.
Am trying to cultivate a habit of doing just that. It is hard to stand still. After a life time of rushing around,it is hard to just not think of much, not want much and not worry about much either, well at least try!
Am trying ,wish me luck
Will keep you posted.