And so to living..

I haven’t  updated my blog for a couple of months, apologies for that, to the few kind people who regularly look in. Thank you and a very Happy New Year.

Writing ones memoirs, is so different and difficult from writing a novel or a story. You don’t have to think of or create a plot,life crates it for you. Birth follows childhood and then the rest of your life, as someone said , the sheer poetry of a single person trying to make sense of their life.

But can you make sense? Am not sure. Having lived in two  different countries and cultures,if anything; am confused I think. Am not sure if I have been able to.

Trying to forgive those, who have done wrong to you is the first step, but it is not easy. When I look back to the past,I wonder if my family,they way they behaved,was it because they meant harm or because they didn’t know better?

Perhaps the latter, as the Asian culture is hugely judgemental, superficial and false. Everyone is too busy trying to prove that they are better than the rest. No one ever accepts or admits to any shortcomings.It is amazing that a society,which is religious, like to be known as god fearing and pious,can be so cruel?

Despite everything I have,I often get desperately angry about the fact that as a child ,I was entitled to love, care and affection,why I didn’t get any? Why everything I did was subjected to such criticism and scrutiny. There are no answers. I wish my parents, especially my father would have talked to me about it. I remember when my father suddenly dies(at the age of 89 years), I was devastated. I remember saying to my son that I wished he would have said something to me. And someone said, that had my father lived another 100 years, he would have never said anything as to how and why they behaved the way they did.

It should be easy for me, having a very good life,a loving family and financial freedom would make me magnanimous! Not as much that I don’t  dwell on or think of my lost childhood.

The older I get the more removed I feel from the false pride and superficial standards of the Asian community.

Perhaps that is my way of extracting revenge!

Catch you later.





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