Having it All

It is said that once upon a time a woman had a husband, children and an extended family, and may be an outside friend or two if she was lucky.

Sounds good doesn’t it.

Certainly my mother did, she came from a family of five and my father being the youngest of three sisters, had may nieces and nephews. I dont recall Mum having any “outside friends”. There was no time for her to pursue any interests of her own.

So were the women of my mothers generation happier than how women feel today?

Am not sure, today it is easier for us to divorce ,try a separation,not have children and give our all to our chosen careers if we so wish. They can move away to another city or town and live on their own and do their own thing.

So why are told that most of us are more miserable and unsettled. Without the pressure of relatives and expectations of your community we should be free to fly.

I know my mother would have loved to, by the time her children grew up ,she was like a caged bird, her wings have atrophied and she was secure being in the little world she has known all her life.

Am a product of the same culture and origin.Despite having ambitions and courage to defy the expectations my parents had, and what my Asian culture demanded, I flew out of that cage. I chose a career I loved, not what was expected of me, married someone who was from another sect of Islam and came away thousands of miles to fulfil my dreams and ambitions. And I did fulfil them to a great extent.

Some would say I have it all!

I don’t think we can have it “all’, if there is such a thing. I find myself comparing the values of the culture I was born in and the one I have adopted. I know the love and respect my mother had not only from the extended family, but from us her children; will not be mine. Today’s children are different to what my generation was. Today if we feel that if the old folk look like living for too long ,then a care home should be found. Where as for those of my generation would (and did) give up a lot to look after our old folk.

I know those of my mothers generation would have given anything to have the freedom of expression and life I have had, the advantages of living in a advanced European country have given me, something she could only dream of.

Now though, I should be rejoicing for having it all, whatever that means.

The fact that I am not, means there is no such thing as having it all.


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